A Golden Dawn Given to Me By the Hidden Hand of God

The more you have faith in the hidden Hand of God helping your life the better it is for your mental health, which could otherwise be plagued by bitterness and cynicism.

In my 4th and previous blog article, A True Story of a Spiritual Experience: Sri Chinmoy’s Smear Against Me, I indicated how it became very challenging to help my daughter with the emotional neglect and abuse she endured due to parental alienation against me by her mother, Erin, partially due to the fact that I ended up in a mental health clinic, where I was wrongly diagnosed with schizophrenia.

However, this mire that was a result of this spiritual experience bestowed upon me by my spiritual Master, Sri Chinmoy wasn’t just some sort of stain or harm inflicted upon my life. It was a golden opportunity bestowed on me by the hidden Hand of God for my daughter and me to have a better life. (Read about this spiritual experience.)

In the aforementioned spiritual experience, I was tricked by my own Higher Self and ended up being attacked by the police, although I had committed no crime and was not on drugs as they had thought. (Don’t worry, the police didn’t hurt me.)

Thinking I had taken a large quantity of drugs, they brought me to the hospital where I became stuck involuntarily at the Abbie J. Lane mental health clinic in Halifax, Nova Scotia, which meant I was not able to make it to a mid-June 2012 Family Court hearing. A new court order, called a Variation Order, was established in my absence, suspending all my access to my daughter. This stipulation would be in force until a new court order could be established. Also, despite this stipulation in the 2012 Variation Order suspending my access, Erin was at liberty to allow me to see our daughter at her discretion. She refused.

Another significant piece of the puzzle bestowed upon me by the Hand of God causing me to be in this mire of trying — and being unable — to help my daughter was the ill-advised decision by my 2012 and 2013 Nova Scotia Legal Aid lawyer, whom I’ll simply refer to as Susan, to put a stipulation in my and Erin’s new 2013 Court Order that I need a letter from a psychiatrist before I could make any further application to the Nova Scotia Family Court.

I just assumed that Susan knew what she was doing. She advised me that there was no way I could dispute having schizophrenia — a specious reason proposed by Erin as to why I could be some kind of threat to, and couldn’t be trusted around, our daughter — in Family Court since a psychiatrist is already saying that I do, indeed, have this mental illness. A judge would simply dismiss my claim and follow the psychiatrist’s opinion. Although that is, unfortunately, most likely true (from what I have gathered thus far), I do not understand why Susan felt one of the best things to do involved a stipulation indicating I need a letter from a psychiatrist about how I am doing and whether or not I’m taking my medication. Not after I explained to her that I had been wrongly diagnosed.

I did not require a letter to establish the original 2005 court order, for example, giving me unsupervised access to my daughter. That order remained in effect until she turned eight years old (in 2012) and no harm ever came to her. But suddenly, when psychiatrists entered my life, there was an issue.

Also, according to Susan, my intention to argue the truth, which partially involved clarifying Erin’s accusations against me in her affidavits (and thus fight for what I felt would be best for my daughter), had to be done step by step. However, I still don’t understand why I would have to challenge Erin’s 2012 and 2013 affidavits in a step-by-step process when the so-called justification for establishing the 2012 Variation Order (which, as I said, was established in my absence) was entirely specious. It was as though she was on Erin’s side by providing me some sort of cookie-cutter solution rather than learning the intricacies of my case and customizing her argument.

I had a really difficult time understanding what Susan was doing due to my anxiety, which has often manifested as a social anxiety due to my insufficient faith in myself and contributed to my misdiagnosis, because she often used jargon I couldn’t follow. She even signed our 2013 Court Order on my behalf without my realizing that she had done that or even that a new court order was being established!

As I alluded to above, you may think that my spiritual experience described in my aforementioned 4th blog article, A Spiritual Experience: Sri Chinmoy’s Smear Against Me, had done nothing but cause me problems. Well, that is not true. Actually, it was the hidden Hand of God at once bestowing on me my consequences for past bad behaviour — such as smearing Sri Chinmoy to some of his disciples — as well as a better life than what I was heading into with my addiction.

As I briefly indicated in that article, I had a lingering crack-addiction mentality that year. I last relapsed in 2012, but nonetheless, it’d be kind of hard to fight for custody — which I fully intended to begin back then — when you recently relapsed about a month prior to the mother’s affidavit. There was no need to work against me, as I was trying to do everything I could to stop (and therefore could have used support). (I first tried this drug eighteen months prior in a pathetic attempt to self-medicate myself to give me more confidence in starting conversations, particularly with members of the opposite sex.)

However, I wasn’t prepared to challenge what Erin was presenting against me to the Nova Scotia Family Court, and I most likely wouldn’t have achieved much success.

As I said in a previous blog article, Father Alienation: How It Affected My Daughter, around mid-2012, Erin pre-emptively constructed an affidavit against me entirely to defame me, as though I were out of control or completely and deliberately heading in the wrong direction. She accused me of being an abusive father. She did this — as well as kept my then eight-year-old daughter away from me for eight months — so she wouldn’t lose against me in court had I attempted to fight for custody in advance of her affidavit.

Generally speaking, had I not been tied up at the Abbie J. Lane mental health clinic, the outcome probably would have been a lot less ideal than what is now happening and what will take place.

By being forced to stay at the Abbie J. Lane mental health clinic I was surrounded by wonderful, supportive people that helped me to further snap out of my self-destructive mentality. It gave me a push in the right direction away from Satan’s grasp. I’m so glad to be free from that. I’m so lucky and grateful to be free from that crack addiction.

By having no money to support myself and having to go live with my parents as a result, I was able to reconnect with my parents and was further able to end my crack addiction. My mother held on to whatever money I had and would not allow me to have enough money to buy crack. With no money to buy, I was able to stop using.

With my parents thinking I have a mental illness rather than just a behaviour problem, they were able to be more supportive rather than toxic.

Although I love my daughter and feel it’s best for her that I am a strong presence in her life, by losing about 80% of the time I was able to spend with her as a result of the 2013 Court Order, I was able to spend more time focusing on my dreams — the ones I lost by getting mad at Sri Chinmoy for years for humiliating me — and rebuilding my life. This helps both me and my daughter.

This is how the hidden Hand of God works, but it doesn’t stop there.

By being diagnosed with schizophrenia and by losing jobs after walking off on them because I was mad at Sri Chinmoy for humiliating me, I was eventually able to collect Social Assistance and then a monthly disability allowance from the federal government. This, along with financial support from my parents, has allowed me to do what I wanted to do in the first place, which was spend my time studying and focusing on my dreams.

This memoir, for example, which I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for the spiritual experiences, has become an amazing story I get to enjoy writing, be proud of, and share with others. I’m having a lot of fun doing the work that I do, and most of my expenses are paid for allowing me to do it. That kind of scenario would be a lot less likely if I wasn’t diagnosed with a mental illness.

I describe more positive results throughout my story of struggle, The Struggle Within. I shall be publishing the various volumes of this multi-volume memoir (mostly written in diary format) in the future. Sri Chinmoy did not make my life worse by helping me have the spiritual experience I described in my 4th blog article which caused me to end up at the Abbie J. Lane mental health clinic — he — or God — made my life better. He justifiably helped me deal with the karma I had endured from past behaviour.

Usually, it’s not easy to understand how the hidden Hand of God is working in someone’s life until you understand their story a lot better.

As I will indicate in my next blog article, God not only knew what He was doing by helping me to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, He knew what he was doing before I was even born.

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